Category: About Mike

Goodbye Fifty Six

Headstone
RIP 56

Where did it go?

This last year seems like a lost year.  Like at fifty six years old, I have been stuck in neutral for the entire year.  The thing is a lot has happened. Medical issues, a vindictive law suit, relocation, a fire that eradicated almost everything I own. There has been good also, a new town, new friends a new relationship, (now over). So I am not  sad to see this year disappear into the dust behind me. Goodbye Fifty Six.

ChangeGrass over old wood

And this year leaves as it began, with massive change. This time though, it feels mostly internal.  The excuses have worn thin, I am left with the reality of me. And with that the fear of loneliness, lack of security, the loss of community.   These things have haunted me always, but instead of living with them, acknowledging them and letting them go, I have ran, and stuffed and used people places and things to blot them out.  But here I am, and here these fears still sit.  Waiting like patient guardians for me to react, invoke and indulge. My payment? Anger, shame, fear and despair and the very real manifestation of all of it.

FlowerDo Something Different

So there it is, go down the same old path or sit in stillness with my demons, befriend them and let them go. I might just have a chance to simplify, to become discerning about what and who I let into my life, and have the opportunity to learn a little more about me.

It is with this backdrop I will enter my fifty seventh year.  It is tough not to wonder what is in store for me next. I just want guarantees and certainty. But I know there are only two things that are certain: impermanence and death. With that in mind, this year I hope to garnish my path with love, joy, wonder and gratitude.

Now What

So this year I hope to take more risks.  Within my writing and my blogging I want to be more real, this means vulnerability, (ugh). And I want to pursue the many stories that have asked to be told. I want to be in better shape, and be more direct. Finally, I want to face the fear and do the scary thing anyway. I want to be open to what the universe deigns to show me.

If you are reading this, please follow along, comment, provide insight, tell you stories.  I want to hear them, I want to hear you.

A Different Kind Of Journey

Labyrinth entranceSometimes the path we find ourselves on isn’t the path we chose.   Then we find ourselves on a different kind of journey.

It has been a little over a year since I have “published” anything on my blog. This is because I suddenly find myself on new ground. And that has taken some getting used to.

My journey into blogging about travel evolved from a couple of things: First, I love telling stories.  I always have, even when I was too young to write, and not old enough to have many experiences. Second, I have come to believe that our stories and myths are how we connect to each other and to the the the universe to which we belong. Third, I love to travel and explore. Finally, I had a situation with my health that provided an opportunity for me to travel and write. This gave me a platform to see if I really liked travel and writing, Now, two years later, here is the result of that experiment: To focus on my blog and videos, and how my life changed course really, really dramatically.

When the Universe has Other Plans

surgeryA couple of years ago I had settled into a nice little rut.  I told myself I was surrounded by people who I loved and loved me. That my needs were met, and my future bright. Things actually were far from perfect, but they seemed tolerable. Life, though, has a way of letting us know when things are not right and I am no exception to that rule.

Over a long period of time I had developed un-diagnosed tumors in my middle ears. This dramatically affected my hearing, but slowly. Like so many others with hearing loss, I became more and more isolated. My deafness making interacting with others difficult and exhausting. I had also agreed to let my girlfriends extended family move into my mountain home. Plentiful in number and hopelessly entitled, they slowly began to destroyed my house. As this progressed, I became a stranger in my own home, my dog my only ally.

Alone in the wildernessWith hindsight, I realize that travel provided relief because of its nature. It was more comfortable to be a stranger in a strange place than vilified at home by those you love. But at the time I was oblivious. It seemed like my problem was the challenge of my hearing loss. I just needed to work harder on myself. But the real problem was that things were not right in my universe and I was refusing to acknowledge it.  Turns out there is more than one kind of deafness.

Boom

Ignoring problems never makes them go away. My difficulties and my inability to do something, or even acknowledging my unraveling life had the astounding effect of blowing up the existence I once knew. This has been a deeply uncomfortable process, but illuminating as well.  For me this last year has been a rich inner journey, and seemingly in-congruent with a travel blog. But it’s a journey none-the-less.  And that makes it a story worth telling. (To be continued)